The PorchMonkey4Life FAQ,
version 1.3
1. Who is "Henry Schmidt"?
2. But you don't post like him, so what's going on???
That's because my sock was stolen by a delusional Monkey, who, being a
Verizon subscriber and wanting to avoid getting net.KKKopped, posts his
swearing (and any words which might get him into trouble) in a variation
of "1337" (leet) code, in the hope that his ISP will consider it
allowable (which their abuse desk might do, if they're particularly
moronic, should anyone bother to report him for abuse). The fact that
his incessant spamming and forgery render him eminently reportable seems
to escape him.
3. Then who is he?
Well, duh, but he has the impression that he's "
reclaiming" the term.
Yes, that's as clueless as it sounds. He's a "
Clerks II" fan, so what
can you expect?
Kevin Smith may be one of the most clueful men on the
planet, but his fans appear to be mostly the opposite.
5. Why is he posting under so many different nyms?
Because he thinks (or thought, at one point, at least) that they were
all the same poster, or one group of posters living at the same address
and posting from the same computer -- the "
Ying Collective". While a
good many of them are my socks and frogs, some ("
SameAsB4", "
Max
Grrl") are other posters entirely.
6. Why do you post under so many nyms, then?
Well, I've spent years accumulating various names and titles on usenet
and elsewhere, so I figure I may as well use them or lose them. At any
rate, if one owns one's nyms, that's a different matter than nym-shifting
& morphing, then pretending to be a different poster. Mind you, he's
taken note of that much -- but he still believes that he has "exposed"
my "nymmetry", which cluelessness more than makes up for any clues
he may appear to have picked up.
7. Which of your nyms is he using, in that case?
He has nicked "
Henry Schmidt", "
The Secretary of HomIntern" (each
of the first three are me, and the last his own version), "The
Demon
Prince of
Absurdity" (the first links to my current morph, and the latter
to my old one), "The
God of
Odd Statements" (the latter two are old morphs,
and the new one is still very new) and my frogs of Jabriol and moo-moo la
moo, as well as "
Text Medium #5" (again, first is me now, latter is me before),
which originally began as a troll of Dean "±" Humphries, and has lived on
beyond that purpose.
I dunno, some guy named Devon McKinnon of Dawson Creek, allegedly, and
according to the Monkey, a pedophile. However, I wouldn't take that too
seriously. The Monkey keeps changing his mind about who I am, so there's
no reason to think he won't change it about Mr. McKinnon, too.
9. Has he won any awards?
He has won twelve, and is now in the Galactic Killfile. These are his awards:
Kook of the Month, January 2007
Clueless Newbie of the Month, February 2007
Golden Killfile, February 2007
Palmjob Paddle, January 2007
Joseph Bartlo "Pathetic Anal Pineapple" Award, January 2007 (Food alert!)
Special Ops Cody Memorial Purple Heart, January 2007
Tony Sidaway Memorial "Drama Queen" Award, January 2007
Busted Urinal Award
Order of the Holey Sockpuppet
Goofy Azzed Babboon
Tinfoil Sombrero
PorchMonkey4Life, trained by Snarky
Barbara Woodhouse Memorial Dog Whistle
He has also taken the Office of Village Idiot, as of the January 2007 ballot, and still holds it.
FAQ by Snarky
